ごめんね。。。

ごめんね世界。。。
ごめんなさい。。。

i was once told that, "water from a river is always refreshing for the body because its constantly on the move, and therefore has no time to stand still and become stagnant"...

i didn't really understand what this meant when i was younger because i didn't know what 'stagnant' meant ( i was also an A-level english literature&language student at that time, so god knows how i got a B, especially when i turned up to one exam with a hangover... i am not joking here!!!); but more importantly what i didn't realise was that, this person was actually using a metaphor to describe people's lives...

i guess what she wanted to tell me was, if i let myself fall into a routine of broading over 'things' too much, then i would essentially be building myself a dam, inhibiting the flow of pursuing the next stage in my journey, and ultimately stopping me from knowing how my life will be... (or maybe she really was just referring to the water's quality, and i am just reading too deep into her message???)...

either way, it's useful information to know...

hmm...
i'll probably sound very unstable for writing this but i'll write it anyway...
for these past couple of months i had allowed myself to become 'stale'...
or more accurately, i became bored of life...
so allowed myself to spiral into that dangerous trap of questioning the whole point of 'existence'...
at one stage, i was so consummed with the idea of 'becoming nothing', that i gave up on the concept of 'creating memories' and ceased all communication with everyone and anyone...

thinking in a fatalistic way is very dangerous...
its dangerous for the person that thinks that way and its also dangerous to the ppl that care about that person that thinks that way...

i no longer have that thought on my mind anymore...
because the realisation is that, whereas someone else has a better life than me, i too will have a more fortunate life than another, and it wouldn't be fair to waste my life on becoming 'stagnant water'...

my approach to life has always been to embrace what it has to throw at me, to make the most out of the cruel situations i am thrust upon, because life is fair in giving you a balance with unexpected happy moments too...
i should and will not from here on forth forget that...
and so i make an apology to the world when i am sometimes affected by 'self-created-negatism'...


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