reflection...

i don't just draw pretty pictures..........
and i am not sweet or cute :-p.............



for photos of the face studies i did go to:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=9797&l=97be8&id=517037261

but the working title of the pieces that i am doing are called self-portrait for now..............

there will be four and i plan to give them to four worthy ppl..............
one of which is my little brother.............

that leaves three more

and finding them is going to be one hell of a task....................

in case you are wondering i have only started to draw again recently..........for about 6 years after i finished A-levels i couldn' draw..........my hand and mind and body just wouldn't let me do any drawing.......so like a writer has writing block i had drawing block......................

thought maybe since i lacked any inspiration that i should just give it up then and there so i did.................

hmmmmm wot made me decide to draw again hmmmmmmmmm not quite sure actually???
i think maybe having concussion in sweden helped??? nah that was a joke......................(but seriuosly i did have concussion and no i didn't go to hospital....just slept it off)

it was of course the place sweden and its inhabitants that made me want to draw again..............to all the few that did have the misfortune to cross my path and exchange few words with me.............."jag alsker alla och tack sa mycket, stora puss och kram pa alla" ......"jag vill inte glommt alla" (pls corect me if i have spelt somehing wrong which is no surprise to me)

while there i had an inseperable relationship with my camera that still lasts to this moment (no man shall come between us even if the bribery is bananas)...........it wasn't a really good camera but i loved it because i just wanted to take pictures and films of everyday normal happenings in my life......................

i knew for a fact that if i didn't take pictures/ film momentos then i would regret it, so basically i filmed and pictured everything.................and everyone that knows me will know that because when something happens, out pops the camera.........

ppl are starting to be afraid of me now knowing that if they do something i will be there to get them...........................(which is later posted on internet for the delight of the world)..........(no wonder i have no friends)

no one really said to me 'oh can you take pictures or can you film this'................i just do it..............i think its a nice gesture because there will be times when we want to re-see moments in our lives and then afterwards have that sentimental remaniscences of what we did when we were younger, hopefully making us feel inspired to go out and do more memorable things.................hahahaha

i know that all my pics are just me and though it does look like vanity, it isn't.....................
i never liked having my picture taken, i always prefered to be the one that took the pictures ........
i think one day i just woke up and decided it would be nice to have at least one decent picture of me............

at the time i had alot of origami birds so decided that if iwas going to do a portrait photo then i would want it to be with some silly props so used my birds as i was planning to photograph them aswell.......................

although i liked the photos i thought they don't really convey much except how i looked,,,,,,,,for photos portray too much of a realistic image and can tell lies aswell........ you sometimes don't know how that person is feeling inside because ppl are great actors that they can pretend to be happy or sad..............................just taking an image wasn;'t enough for me to show myself ...................but i just kept taking images because i thought they would help me to do something............................(thank god for digital imagery or else my room would have been littered with so many photos.........alot of wasted ones too........and i need to comment that no.........i haven't used photoshop to edit my pics, just upload them in their raw form because i don't have photoshop on my laptop...........yes i have an antique laptop)



then i went back to england and tidying my shitte-hole of a oom i found some old drawings from A-level projects..............one was entitled self-potrait (the one above).............................it was the thing that i was looking for, for a long time.................i didn't like it!!!

A-levels was a time when i basically left everything to do at the last minute and back then i had to do this piece literally in one night..................i hated it................it was drawn badly...............i had to rush it............it lacked any character and it was not something that i proud of......................

i felt ashamed really that i submited something like that and so i decided that it must be redone............

it had to be redrawn and presented in the way that i originally planned it to be..................

the idea of doing it in a series of 4 came later but the first step was to redo the pencil one that i started at 18..........................................

all those pics came in handy because i used them as references i wanted to remember how i felt at the time and then interpret it as if i wanted to draw........................thats why all the images are deformed and interlinked and very emotional.............................i wanted to try to show everything at once...............and i think i have accomplished it..............






here is a rough copy of the A1 size portrait i am doing...
i'll finish it later again...

for more photos go to:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=9688&l=d2fe7&id=517037261